She is crossing her fingers that are itching of anguish. Could her allergies be due to the fact that she has had a heavy childhood? Could it be the that she was most likely not wanted to be born by his father? When her mother had told him that she is pregnant again, he said to her, ´My god woman! Do you get contaminated by the sauna benches!´
It starts a stream of memories burst into Ini´s mind. She asks herself, if she could write about her past, was the time wright? Does she know how!? Since she had learned to write, she had wanted to scream out those bad things. Once and for good, but her teacher had told her, she can not write!
She looks at her piano and sees two books. ´Guess how much I love you´ and ´Babar´s Children´, say the titles. She knows that her environment is a reflection of whom she is, so why had she, in particular, selected these two books? To look at the two titles every day of her life. What does she want to tell to herself?
Could her allergies, father and these books be connected to her past and reality? To her unsolved issues. She knows they are there to quide her in finding who she is. For her to reflect deep into her exsistence.
She is a coach by profession. She could use one of her own methods. Coaching ethics do not recommend it. She should go to see a stranger. But why? Maybe it is a period in history to put in a trash pin the idea that one can not therapy oneself. She has made it this far already, despite all what happened to her in her childhood. She has been coaching herself all these years, since she has not seen a shrink and not gone mad. She knows that somebody will now say ´coaching and therapy are a different thing´. She thinks there is a really thin line between those two.
Ini wants to find her destiny, she is struggling for a new beginning. In her environment and in her relationships. She has a huge urge to transform herself. For the past 20 years, since starting to study feng shui, and after becoming a professional supervisor and coach, she has wanted to find out her real cababilities. She still wants to love, be passionate, lead a mysterious and spiritually fulfilling life. She wants OUT OF HER STILLNESS.
She is so tired of her obstructive memories. Her fingers freeze on the computer keyboard.
She needs to take a brake and cry.